I am a control freak.
There, I said it.
I like being in control of everything around me, from running to eating, work, school and making plans with friends and family. I get a great sense of comfort and contentment from knowing exactly what’s happening when, where and with who.
I think that’s how I do so well with strict schedules, like the insane fall semester, non-stop studying/work and marathon training – I love having everything outlined for me perfectly, each time slot accounted for. I CAN CONTROL IT ALL!
One thing I can’t control: flying.
I’ve had a fear of flying for a long time – every bump, thump, lurch and turn and I think we’re going down. Now, this fear doesn’t prevent my from flying, but even a dinky one hour flight can feel like an eternity of anxiety, and I loathe it.
Because at 21,000 feet, I have no control whatsoever. Pilots, whom I’ve never met nor evaluated their competency are in total control. It’s a control freak’s nightmare, I tell you.
This afternoon, as my plane back to NYC taxied out to the runway, I was feeling especially jittery. My mind was out of control, imagining the worst possible scenario.
But then it hit me – there is something I can control in situations like these. Not the plane (let’s be honest, homegirl can barely drive), but my own thoughts and visions.
So I literally took control of my thoughts, took some deep breaths and calmed down. I envisioned the flight being smooth with a few of the usual bumps, and watched a few episodes of “The Dog Whisperer” on the Jet Blue TVs. We were on the ground before I knew it and I didn’t lose my cool once.
Sometimes, it’s the small victories, yeah?
The ability we have to control our outlook on things and the way we think is something I forget about often, but it can give us so much power in all aspects of life.
Another thing I can’t control? The gnarly wind that met me as I set out for a planned 7 mile tempo run on Tuesday morning in Buffalo. The splits below illustrate an out-and-back with a great tail wind that turned into a truly wicked head wind around mile 4.5.
I felt like my face was going to blow off and I was almost running in place, but I got it done. This morning was an easy 5 miles before I headed to the airport.
Since I had no food in my apartment when I finally got in, I scrounged together a pretty decent salad after a quick trip to Morton Williams – mixed greens, green pepper, orange, canned tuna and slivered almonds with raspberry vinaigrette
It was great to visit friends and family…
(with sis and dad. yes, his shirt has camouflage on it. and yes, you can kind of see through my sweater. oops)
But I sure am glad to be home in (snowy) NYC. 🙂
Question: Are you a good flyer? A control freak like me? Please share and maybe make me not feel like such a nutjob!